Balls*

Barry Bonds is a Hall-of-Famer. He’s been playing ball for over 20 years, been an asset to both teams he’s played for and he has hit over 756 home runs, giving him the League career home run record. This, for obvious reasons, is controversial.
Those reasons have to do with the BALCO scandal. Although Bonds has never failed a steroid test, he’s one of the league’s (cream and) clearest examples of athletic steroid abuse. Ideally, of course, steroids would be no problem at all, scoffed at by willful competitors who pride themselves on being as great as they can by their own dint of ability. The sad reality is that monetary pressures and widespread availability make them a common fix for paranoid jocks, particularly in baseball.
Due to a combination of attitude and accomplishment, Bonds is especially hated by quixotic purists. His record-breaking ball was auctioned and purchased by a fashion designer named Marc Ecko, who will brand it with the Roger Maris asterisk-baseball’s scarlet symbol-before giving it to the Hall of Fame to be displayed. This is dumb. Records, they say, are made to be broken, asterisks be damned. At this point, shouldn't those who damn Bonds be hating the game, not the player.
The thing that bugs me about all this is that when Mark McGwire won the season home run record chase in 1998, when the steroid scandal was developing, the achievement was far less controversial. Is this because McGwire is a nicer guy-or a nicer white guy?
That said, I can’t muster a damn about baseball. I’m a Bonds sympathizer-if everybody’s doing it, why can’t he-but only if I don’t have to watch. Regular season NHL starts in a week and things are already heating up in the pre-season with a goalie fight and a controversial hit to the head against IWBYB fave Dean McAmmond.

I Have to Tase You Like I Should

An electrifying video has been circulating and drawing some attention. It was shot during a John Kerry speech at the University of Florida and it gives a clear idea of how quickly a harmless situation can get out of control. The shock comes from the Taser.
A student agitator asks Kerry a loaded question, is cut off for no reason other than that he is annoying. Then he makes a scene. What’s sad here is how quickly the police decide to pull out this weapon to subdue somebody who was not trying to hurt them. Six or so officers surround him and should be able to control the situation without resorting to torture. Is this what government-run immigrant torture camps lead to?
What is equally problematic is that if a Tasing is the punishment now, then it’s what the student deserved. Why in the world don’t people know how to behave around cops? For Pete’s sake, man, LISTEN TO THEM. We are trying to have a society here-this involved learning to respect lawful command. Hate cops all you want, they’re paid to be in charge and if you think that you’re in the right you will have the chance to take care of that later. If they’re trying to make you leave an event for no good reason, leave with them. Trying to embarrass them will turn out badly.
Be cool. Don’t get Tased. The more you know.
As a side note, John Kerry’s failure to get this situation under control, despite his ridiculously muted protest, helps prove how ineffective he would have been as President. Better than Bush, but just terrible.

If I Robbed It

Anybody still talking about Britney Spears’ lackluster comeback a week later – and, I think if people are talking about her at all, then she wins – is missing opportunities to talk about O.J. Simpson’s much more satisfying comeback. On the heels of the release of his book, Simpson is now in jail on charges that include assault and robbery with a deadly weapon and conspiracy to commit kidnapping. KIDNAPPING! O.J. Simpson news is always the strangest news of all.
Some thoughts:
-Could these be the actions of a man who believes that he is capable of getting with away anything? Seriously, is it possible that, after being found not guilty of a case would have been cut and dry against a non-celebrity, a crack legal team can get him out of this? Because that would be sick, but also kind of brilliant.
-That said, there is some weirdness to the actual event, in that it was being recorded, which adds a whole sting/setup vibe to the tale. But, unless he was tricked into thinking he would be appearing on "America’s Funniest Sports Stories," showing up with guns blazing should equal guilty of something. And, the idea to frame this way would have been followed with "That’s so crazy, it just might work."
-Hypocritical, perhaps, following my entry on the power and beauty of forgiveness, but I give a measure of respect to the Browns and Goldmans for making every effort to make Simpson’s life regrettable. Also, for taking control of the book and turning it against him. Also, for ASKING FOR THE MEMORABILIA THAT HE WAS STEALING!! Awesome.
-Finally, this has zero to do with Simpson, but this astronomical headline made me laugh.

Hero: The Amish

As the first anniversary of the schoolhouse shooting in a Pennsylvania Amish community approaches, the community itself continues to live a simple, selfless life. The first compassionate act in this story is the community's automatic reflex to forigive the gunman, putting actual Christian ideals in action. More recently, they donated some of the money raised in the Nickel Mines Accountability Committee (dig the name, too) to Marie Roberts, the gunman's widower, now a single mother of three. It's refreshing to read a true story of forgiveness and compassion about people who truly understand what it means to be Christian. All of us could learn a lot from these people.

Osheaga Report

Highlights: Blonde Redhead, M.I.A., Arctic Monkeys, Besnard Lakes
New Discoveries: CPC Gangbangs, We Are Scientists
Second-best Arctic Monkey: Jamie T
Second-best Interpol: Editors
Biggest Dilemma: M.I.A. vs. Interpol-I did the right thing and chose M.I.A., but that's a decision nobody should ever have to make.
Disappointing: Feist
More than made up for it: Martha Wainwright
Disaster: Smashing Pumpkins-Billy, couldn't you fake it for just one more show?
Good! Sloppy! Fun!: Pony Up!, We Say Party! We Say Die!
We need the funk: Brand New Heavies
Gotta have that funk: Macy Gray
It's Jeff Buckley and he's alive: Patrick Watson
I cannot stress this enough: Do yourself a favor and check out those first 6 highlights in a city near you!

Hero: Colin Farrell

Ok, the cheese factor in this story is high, and taking Stress, his homeless friend, on a Toronto shopping spree smells suspiciously like a publicity stunt (and the link's opening sentence is cliche.) The original, four-year-old story is pretty awesome, however. With a $2000 bounty placed on his head, instead of choosing to ignore it or letting some insecure fangirl ride him to the radio station, he quickly finds the most deserving winner he can.

Haul Ass to Montreallapalooza!

This year, Montreal's 2nd annual Osheaga Festival will rock Parc Jean-Drapeau. In the spirit of full disclosure, I have to confess to severe disappointment over the cancellations of predictable Amy Winehouse-I'm going to pretend that I don't know that she's still playing V Fest the same wekend-and charming-seeming Peter Bjorn & John, who elected to attend the MTV VMA's in LasVegas instead. Seriously, that is so not indie!
Fortunately, there are 65 other bands in town to entertain us. I'm throwing all my support, previously reserved for the drunk and the Swedish, over to M.I.A. Her "Kala" is probably the most fun I've heard all year, and although "Arular" didn't knock me out, I'm whistling a different tune these days. Called 'Jimmy.'
The reunited Smashing Pumpkins are worth getting excited over. They made themselves indie Targets earlier this year, but cred notwithstanding, I can't imagine Billy Corgan putting this band on the road without ensuring a kickass show. I mean, he brought back the original drummer. The original DRUMMER!!
Feist is there! Give it up for Blonde Redhead! Martha Wainwright is there! Editors! Stars! (Why do I keep forgetting about the Stars?) Besnard Lakes!
You get rock cubed Sunday night with Interpol, Bloc Party, Arctic Monkeys. BP's last album might be boring, but I'll forgive them because they are ACTUALLY SHOWING UP! (A special yay! for Arctic Monkeys.) And, in between them, Macy Gray (remember her) as the Winehouse soundalike/replacement. I want to hear 'I Try' and then I want her to cover "Back to Black" and get hammered.
Last year's lineup was good. This year's lineup: also good. But I'll hang in there-next year should be good!

Song of the South

Tuesday was a big day for news about assholes. The strange saga of Senator Craig continued as he waffled over his decision to resign. Jerry Lewis exhibited signs of dementia, introducing an imaginary "illiterate fag" during the 18th hour of his telethon. If he can avoid an F-bomb during the apology, the story should disappear faster than Isaiah Washington from Grey’s Anatomy.
Trumping both was Whoopi Goldberg, using her first 15 minutes as a co-host on The View to demonstrate that racism and reverse racism can exist together in a single point of view. According to Whoopi, Michael Vick was unaware that what he was doing was illegal because "there are certain things that are indicative to certain parts of the country." Read that as "things are done differently in the South." Nevermind that Michael Vick comes from Newport News, Virginia, which is not exactly deep South, less than 50 miles from Washington DC. Nevermind that nobody would mount a culture defense against suicide bombers, or whites-only water fountains, for that matter. Nevermind that she made Elizabeth Hasselbeck look like the voice of reason. What’s worse is the race betrayal (of which Jamie Foxx is guilty too) of playing a race card to defend a reprehensible act. Even if dogfighting is a black thing-it’s not, but let’s just say-even if, that can’t be your defense against dog-electrocuting and dog-drowning. Those are psychotic things.
Things get worse if you start wondering whether Whoopi would use the same case for a white person from the same (fictional) background. She couldn’t. Circle gets the square, Whoopi. You lose.