6.66 Scaaaaaary Music Videos

Happy Halloween Kids!!!

Here are 6 scary music videos (and a bonus) to get you in the mood:
Catherine Wheel, "Waydown": This one plays on aviophobia as women, children and a ventriloquist's dummy die in a plane crash. They are literally on their way down. Stewardess is kind of creepy, too.

Basement Jaxx, "Where's Your Head At": Monkeys=cuteness. But mutant monkeys with the faces of British DJs attacking you while scientists try to turn you into a monkey=very scary.

The Horrors, "Sheena Is a Parasite": I'll be honest: I'm addicted to this video, in all of its Samantha Morton head exploding goodness.

Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, "Don't Come Around Here No More": I clearly remember being very scared of this video when I was younger. Tom Petty is just kind of freaky-looking, and, wait, is he EATING ALICE!!!!

Yeah Yeah Yeahs, "Y Control": Karen O has fun with some cute kids. Activities include animal sacrifice, vampirism, amputation and cutting.

Aphex Twin, "Come to Daddy": More killer kids. This is, quite likely, the most disturbing video of all time. It will eat your soul.

Bonus .66: Battles, "Atlas": This video is not scary, and actually kind of sucks. But I'm pretty sure the song is Satanic. It's the music made by Oompa-Loompas when they die and go to Hell.

Don't Be Cruel

I’ve been reading lately, courtesy of the good folks at Gawker, about the Worst Man in the World. His name is John Fitzgerald Page, and you may remember him from such roles as Office Worker (uncredited) in Fair Game and Lovestruck Doofus (uncredited) in Beauty Shop. It seems he’s been looking for love on Match.com and doesn’t handle rejection well.
The story, which you can read here, is that he was sent a wink on the online dating site and responded with a bio that the formerly interested woman may have found narcissistic. So she politely declined from connecting further. This prompted an angry missive from Page, in which he questions her judgment in turning down someone of "his caliber." He does, after all, drive a Beemer. And he is an 8.9 on Hot or Not, which likely measures on a scale of 1-10.
You can read his letter and judge for yourself if there are not worse people in the world, but the story does beg the question of how much privacy you can ever count on. Celebrities, obviously, learn pretty quickly that their answer is very little, and yet sex tapes and dumb remarks continue to leak. And if celebrities can’t adapt, then what chance is there for the common man, like John Fitzgerald Page?
Something we should all learn is to never, ever send anything in writing that you would be embarrassed to have read by your mother. The more likely you are to piss off the recipient of your letter, the more likely she’ll read it. Working in the communications field, you are often privy to words that are not meant for you, as people forward with abandon and it is in everybody’s best interest to avoid offering proof of stupidity, arrogance, desperation or douchebaggery.
And another lesson can be learned from Mr. Page, who is probably not the worst man in the world, but who is probably not a man you should marry, either. Never, ever, deliberate on the size of a woman you haven’t met.
On his own site he points out that he is only guilty of the crime of sending a "not very nice private e-mail to someone." In the age of MySpacebook, YouTube and blogs, this an avoidable and sometimes high-profile crime.

An open letter to the girl directly to my left at the Spoon show, the girl who REALLY loves “The Way We Get By”:

Dear You,
It is clear to me and to Spoon that you really love "The Way We Get By," and who doesn’t, really. It’s bouncy and fun with lyrics about being young and dumb. It’s a good song. Your love for it is clear because for each of the last 6 songs you screamed "Play ‘The Way We Get By!’"
There’s something you need to know, though, and perhaps you already do. This is their biggest song, and it’s about 6 years old, so if they’re going to perform their biggest and most well-known song, it will probably be in the encore. You certainly don’t need to ask for it.
Before I go on, there’s a story I want to tell you about a band called Band of Horses. (Cute name, huh?) Anyway, Band of Horses also have a song like this. It’s called "The Funeral," and you’ve probably heard it, even if you don’t know it! Band of Horses are actually a great band who have composed some phenomenal music (jammy, sad, earnest – you’d probably like them.) Anyway, at a show at the Bowery Ballroom, they were unimpressed with their crowd, who were completely not into the show (which is something no one would ever accuse you of being LOL.) The crowd lit up, however, when they started to play "The Funeral," even raising up their cellphones to get pictures. This pissed off lead singer Ben Bridwell, who admonished the audience for only coming to hear one song. Which is pretty rude, I think. But I kind of understand.
I bet you know where I’m going with this. As you now know, Spoon did not play "The Way We Get By" for you, even in the encore. Maybe they’re just sick of playing it every night for 6 years. But maybe it’s because of you. To them, you might as well have been shouting "Play the song from that commercial!" or "Play the song that was on The O.C. one time!" When you request the only song that everybody knows, you sound like you don’t know any of their other songs, and that could piss a band off, you know? It even pissed me off a little, because I wanted to hear them play the songs that they wanted to play. (Sorry, but it’s true.) You wouldn’t go to a Macy Gray show and request "I Try," would you? Or a Chumbawamba concert and request "Tubthumping." (OK, now I’m just being silly.)
Anyway, I shot you a sideways glance when the show was done, and you looked like you had a good time, so I’m happy that you enjoyed Spoon, despite the snub. They’re really a great band. But as a rule of thumb, if you’re at a show and you want to request a song-which you shouldn’t even do, since they already have a set list-try and see if you can figure out what their most popular and well-known song is. Now don’t request that song.

Sympathy for the Devil

Despite recent big news stories like Al Gore winning the Nobel Peace Prize (too much) or the likelihood of Turkey attending a big war party in Iraq (really?!), I’m tempted to write about my feelings instead. In particular, some new feelings I’ve been feeling. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve experienced a strange wave of sympathy for Maple Leafs fans and I don’t know how to overcome this. I might need help.
True, the season is only two weeks old. Even truer, I’ve always relished in their defeats and made selfish prayers for bad things. But some things just aren’t right. They deserve a better team than this and, more importantly, I deserve a better team to hate. As an avid fan of the Senators of Ottawa City (official team of IWTBYB), this is a natural hatred, but one that is shared by many fans of many other hockey teams. It’s a hate that brings people together. For me, though, much of this sentiment stems from the unceremonious dumping that they have served to the Sens four (4!) times in the playoffs. This happened because the Leafs were a decent team and I can hate a decent team.
The season, of course, is young. A quick look at their five losses (in 7 games, ha!) shows that they’ve given up 7 leads. If they can play a good defence and stop doing that, they can overcome a weak start (and a not terrible record, due to overtime points) and maybe even make the playoffs. I thought they stood a pretty good chance before this season even started due to some decent offseason pickups and Paul Maurice, a coach I believe is a capable leader.
In the spirit of full disclosure, though, I’m not that innocent. I do feel for these sad, sorry people, particularly the ones that are 40 years old, and too young to remember the last time the Leafs won a Cup, yet not young at all. But mostly, I wrote this article to introduce some Bryan McCabe highlights that make me laugh and laugh and laugh. Like the one where he gets checked by his own net and the one where he scores the winning overtime goal for Buffalo (which is shown four times in this clip and gets funnier at each angle.) My hope is that they improve for the next four months and then collapse and miss the playoffs by a point or two. Then I won’t feel sorry anymore. Just smug, as usual.

Happy Birthday for the People

Today is the 15th anniversary of the release of "Automatic for the People." If everybody, of any generation, who considers him or herself a passionate music lover has one album that made them that way, this here is mine. So fifteen years ago, in, say, September, Drive’s iconic video started playing on The Hit List-I was 13, owned few CDs, and hadn’t yet discovered the joys of MuchMusic-and R.E.M. appeared on my radar. I wonder if I should have waited until next year to write this article on its 16th anniversary, to make a connection between Drive and the legal driving age . . .
I know that the music I was attracted to that year (Constant Craving, Friday I’m in Love, Lost Together) was strong stuff, but Drive was different. It didn’t sound like a hit. Fifteen years ago TODAY, the album came out, to critical acclaim and strong sales (not that I had any idea) and found a place on my Christmas list. I don’t want to get too into the magic of the first time I played it, or the second time, or the eleventh. I’ll only say that it’s the one for me. 15 years later, I have a relationship with music, an urge to find new things and learn about older ones. Music is my racecar and my blanket, and Automatic for the People is the first place I felt that. (Another thing, looking back at 1992, it’s possible that the whole year informed my critical ear, even if I wasn’t ready for most of the sounds yet. If you combine AftP with "Slanted & Enchanted," PJ Harvey’s "Dry," Freedy Johnston’s "Can You Fly," Sonic Youth’s "Dirty" and Move This (Shake That Body), you might have the formula for my aesthetic preference.)
In an honor of the album, the anniversary and the year, I re-listened to "Automatic for the People" a bunch of times, and offer you track-by-track haiku. If you are lucky enough to have this album in your collection I strongly suggest that you play it today and think back 15 years.

Drive:
Hey kids, where are you?
Words like an alarm, and then:
Hey kids, rock and roll.

Try Not to Breathe:
For lilting beauty
R.E.M. use 2 tricks here:
Mike Mills and waltz-time.

The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite:
Does sidewinder sleep
in a coil or on its back?
Post-Seuss laugh endears.

Everybody Hurts:
Overplayed to death,
But such gorgeous music will
stand the test of time.

New Orleans Instrumental No. 1:
Such a good band then,
That instrumental filler
was still great like this.

Sweetness Follows:
Death-themed slow-paced song.
So a companion piece to
Everybody Hurts

Monty Got a Raw Deal:
Should’ve been a hit.
This song really hits paydirt
once the drums kick in

Ignoreland:
The one true rocker,
It sounds like The Hip a bit.
These days it rings true.

Star Me Kitten:
Random words, snapping-
Nothing then sounded like this.
So odd and pretty.

Man on the Moon:
Andy Kaufman was
not an icon until this.
Now he goofs on God.

Nightswimming:
I’d hear this and cry,
It might make me less manly,
but I still do now.

Find the River:
Heard this and knew I
had to leave to find my way.
Or did he say lead?

Hero: Radiohead

You probably already know about their new album, "In Rainbows." About how they're giving the power to the people and allowing them to pay any price they want. About how they're completely changing the game up, ditching the label entirely. About how they're creating an honor system, encouraging a band-fan relationship. About how they're changing the future, creating one where the label would likely still exist as an initial marketing machine, but where unsigned is where you'll want to be soon. About how they continue to make good music and play mind-bending live shows in an era that doesn't favour career longevity. About how they're paving the way, basically, adapting to a market that rewards innovation. You probably already read all this somewhere, but it bore repeating.

Blackfacebook

A few things about the Jena 6 and then two more about abject stupidity: The whole situation in Jena, Louisiana is upsetting. There are very few things that I hate more than vile racism and the situation offers two variations on the theme. It is troubling, but not completely brain-rattlingly shocking, that kids face racism in the Southern U.S. It is a shame that racist self-entitlement over space under a tree (!) prompted some dumb kids to hang a noose from it (!) to keep black kids away. It is unfortunate that this racially charged incident led to a brutal black-on-white beatdown. But it is appalling that none of those things is the most disgusting part of the story.
The issue is the adult charges of attempted second-degree murder and conspiracy to commit second-degree murder against kids guilty of physical assault and that’s it. This, of course, has led to public outcry, anger, awareness and locals embarrassed by the attention and media hype brought into their small town, which they claim is not that racist, but is, obviously, racist enough to ignore emotional motive and lay down unprecedented punishment, unaware that other people might hear about this and find it unfair.
The most insulting type of racism is what-me-racist?-type racism. The kind where a clearly racially-motivated decision is followed by "Why you makin’ such a big deal over this/"
And, with that, I give you this adorable story. In my opinion, it’s perfectly fine to go off color with your friends, as long as you know your audience. (Although, I know the blackface is barely better than the noose.) However, it’s probably not a good idea to record it. But, if you have gone way off-colour and saved it for posterity, and you LIVE IN LOUISIANA, why not post it on Facebook? Why not? You’re already racist and stupid. Might as well go for the trifecta and add public humiliation.